Beyond Rules and Rods: Exploring God's Fatherhood and Christian Discipline

"My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in" (Proverbs 3:11-12).

Have you ever wondered what God's parenting style would look like if He were to live among us regularly? Many people have their ideas about what a typical day with God as a parent in the home would be like and what standards would need to be met to gain His approval as a Father.

Let's imagine, would He be a stern, suffocating Father with a stern look, overseeing His children with a full beard and wide, staring eyes, watching their every move to catch their mistakes and apply discipline without hesitation? Or would He be more like a fun-loving country club Father, creating an atmosphere of enjoyment for His children, overlooking their shortcomings and disobedience without applying due consequences? Or could He be rarely present at home, watching from a distance because He has far more important engagements to manage?

The long-standing question of discipline requires us to consider who should provide it and what the appropriate measures of it are. These are just a few of the questions that are critical to both parents and children or bosses and their subordinates in other cases. Our objective, however, will be to focus on the expectations for a Christian family in our contemporary times.

GOD AS A FATHER WHO DISCIPLINES

For a start, let’s use the earliest example we can see as we x-ray the triangle between God, Adam and his beloved wife Eve.

The Provision: In Genesis 2:8-9, we see a God who provides for His own. Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed.  The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

From above, we see that God, as Father, immediately provides for man's needs after creating him. Following this act of love and responsibility towards Adam (and consequently his wife and children), He establishes boundaries for them. Let’s continue reading.

The Instruction: In Genesis 2;15-17 "The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.  And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden, but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

What can we learn from the passage? The concept of discipline, which involves taking measures to ensure compliance with accepted standards set by an authority figure or instructor, has been recognized since the beginning of human existence. It seems evident that in the Christian context, God, as the Father of all humanity, established the practice of setting and maintaining boundaries from the very start.

Given this context, can we also explore how He reacted to their compliance (or lack thereof) with the boundary He set for them?

The discipline: The story in Genesis chapter 3 introduces us to God's approach to maintaining discipline within His domain with His children. When Adam and Eve crossed the boundary God gave them, God provided the necessary discipline to ensure that His boundaries were kept secure and safe. This is referenced in Genesis 3:1-7, 10-13, 16-19.

The Learning: Do we conclude, based on the examination above, that God the Father is wicked and insensitive because of the measures applied to enforce discipline? I honestly don't think so! What we do learn is that as long as humans have existed, there have been rules, regulations, instructions, and warnings put in place to ensure that order is maintained. When evidence points to disobedience, the consequences follow without emotional attachments. This is the father's way of maintaining discipline.

Friends, this is the earliest standard we see in the Holy Bible as it pertains to God and the first family on earth. In light of this, let's explore some tips on how to understand discipline in our modern world and how to ensure that we raise a generation that upholds the expectations which preserve the value of discipline.

DISCIPLINE: MAKING IT COUNT

So what measures should we take and what help do we need to provide our children to help them meet the standards of discipline that we set and maintain established boundaries?

• Establish clear standards and consequences for violating them: As parents, we can do no better than to help our children understand the required standards (biblically and otherwise) to maintain in their pursuits and endeavours as regards discipline. Based on this, there must be clear communication on the required standards to uphold and the attendant consequences if there are violations. Please note, that it is critical to make good on your promises, be it in the good or bad scenario i.e., the proverbial carrot and stick approach. Deuteronomy 28:1-2 and verse 15

• Provide Structures to help them meet the required standards: We need to establish an environment that not only sets clear expectations but also encourages a desire to meet those standards. As caretakers responsible for ensuring discipline standards are upheld, we must create an atmosphere that nurtures the positive inclinations in our children to live by the boundaries we set. Our homes and the environment in which our children are raised should promote these values.

1. Maintaining godly environments – an atmosphere where the Spirit of God thrives. Deuteronomy 6:6-9

2. Ensuring they keep a godly circle of friends and influencers. Proverbs 13:20, Proverbs 1:10, Proverbs 12:26.

3. Keep them close enough to understand their struggles, so we can be part of their growth process. Proverbs 27:23

4. Acknowledge and reward good behaviour to show them the value of following rules.

5. Discuss the reasoning behind rules and consequences in an age-appropriate way, Deut. 6:7; Proverbs 29:15.

• Establish clear methods of Discipline: we have spoken about maintaining consequences and ensuring that the measures put in place are not compromised. Below are a few measures we can undertake from a scriptural perspective.

1. Human Discipline:

• Instruction & Warning – Proverbs 1:1-5,8-10 , 2nd Timothy 4:2, Titus 2:15

• By the rod – Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 22:15, Proverbs 29:15

2. God’s Discipline:

• Instruction & Warning – Jeremiah 7:27-28, Jeremiah 17:23  

• By adversity and affliction -  Proverbs. 3:11-12, Hebrews 12:5-6, Job 33:19, Psalms 39:11, Hebrews 2:10

• Motives of discipline: Communicating this will help them to shape up in the right way.

1. Love – This is the foundation of all acts of discipline. It's important to note that the ultimate goal is to shape our children in ways that lead them to the ultimate good they were destined for. (2nd Samuel 7:14-15, Proverbs 3:12, Hebrews 12:6)

2. Desire for another’s growth and improvement – Our role as parents and guardians is to ensure that on a day-to-day basis, we help those under our care to strive for higher standards to fulfil God’s expectations for their lives. (Job 5:17, Prov. 25:12, Hebrews 12:10)

• Forgiveness and Reconciliation

1. The Power of Forgiveness: After a disciplinary moment, forgiveness is crucial for restoring trust and promoting a healthy parent-child relationship, Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:13.

2. Open Communication for Reconciliation: Encourage open communication after a disciplinary action. This allows children to express their feelings and understand the reasoning behind the consequences. It also provides an opportunity to rebuild trust and move forward.

• Age-appropriateness: discipline should be reflective of your child’s age for greater effectiveness, 1 Corinthians 13:11

1. Early Childhood (1-3 years): At this stage, focus on setting clear routines and expectations. Use simple, direct language and positive reinforcement. Instead of punishment, use redirection or time-outs for bad behaviour.

2. Preschool Age (4-5 years): Children this age begin to understand cause and effect. Explain the reasons behind rules and the consequences of breaking them. Use short, age-appropriate stories to illustrate good behaviour. Positive reinforcement remains crucial for building self-esteem.

3. School Age (6-12 years): Children develop a stronger sense of right and wrong. Reasoning becomes more effective. Involve them in setting rules and discussing consequences. Encourage them to take responsibility for their actions. Offer choices within boundaries to foster independence.

4. Teens (13-18 years): Teens crave autonomy and independence. Focus on open communication and setting clear expectations. Consequences can be more natural (e.g., staying out late leads to a later curfew). Encourage teens to self-discipline and problem-solve.

These are just a few measures we can put in place to ensure the right kind of discipline is maintained in our spaces. The critical thing to note as parents and custodians is that we have the responsibility of clearly communicating these values to our children without ambiguity and giving them all the resources they need to fulfil them.

• Types of Discipline: Parents/Custodians need to understand that for discipline to be complete, they need to hone their skills in developing and maintaining the right approaches required to create the environment suitable for it. Some of such approaches may include actions that inculcate the following:

1. Self-Discipline (Romans 6:12-14, 1st Corinthians 9:26-27, Romans 8:13)

2. Home Discipline (Proverbs 13:14,  Proverbs 15:15, Proverbs 19:18)

3. Mutual Discipline i.e., Between friends (Proverbs 17:10, Proverbs 28:28) and among family, neighbours, or family (Luke. 17:3, 1st Thessalonians 5:11, 14-15, 2nd Thessalonians 3:15

• Embracing God’s discipline: In concluding this admonition, it is also critical to note that it is not enough to know these requirements, what we do with it and consequently learn from it is crucial in making the process of discipline worthwhile and useful for all those trained by it and by extension, we must be careful to ensure that this is passed on from generation to generation by teaching and insisting on it before our children. To do this we must learn to carry out the following amongst other things.

1. Welcome correction: Receive God's rebuke with humility and gratitude, recognizing it as an expression of His love.

2. Learn from mistakes: Use failures and setbacks as opportunities to grow and learn.

3. Seek guidance: Ask God for wisdom and direction in your life.

4. Trust the process: Have faith that God is refining you for your good and His glory.

As we pursue the very best of God for our lives and those under our custody, it is safe for me to restate and reiterate that for the fulfilment of God’s purpose, we cannot over-emphasise the need for the consistent and continual desire to live a disciplined life, as we see even in the quote of a worldly philosopher Socrates who said, “an undisciplined life is an insane life”.

Hebrews 12:4-11

"In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,  and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”[a]7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8 If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, so that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it".

Prayer: May we be found full of discipline all the days of our earthly life.

Shalom!

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MR. & MRS. GBEMIGA IDOWU

The Idowus, a devoted Christian couple, have shared a blessed union for nearly 17 years. Deeply committed to their faith, they actively seek to bring God's Kingdom to fruition in their lifetime. This passion has led them to serve in various capacities, including as counselors for engaged couples in their church community.

Their inspiring journey includes a testament to unwavering faith, as they waited eight years before being blessed with a beloved son. This experience has become a cornerstone of their testimony, encouraging others to place their trust in Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.

The Idowus' marital journey continues to be a beacon of love, faith, and hope, rooted solely in Christ. Together, they eagerly anticipate the blessed hope that Christ has promised, guiding them through life's path.

Shalom!