The third milestone of the LoL parenting modules talks about parental leadership. When discussing leadership in the home, it is not uncommon to have the majority turn our focus on Fathers.

True enough, fathers are the key leads in the home. They are the custodians and protectors of their family's heritage as ordained by God. However, when God called the man to lead, He gave him a woman to help him accomplish that purpose. God gave the man his woman to walk and work with him in fulfilling His mandate for their family.

But alas! What do we see happen in some families? A strange thing under the sun, women balking under Aaron's syndrome and relinquishing their leadership and authority in the home, especially when it comes to providing discipline to their children. The scripture below captures my view of "Aaron's syndrome."

“Don’t get so upset, my lord,” Aaron replied. “You know how evil these people are. They said to me, ‘Make us gods who will lead us. We don’t know what happened to this fellow Moses, who brought us here from the land of Egypt.’ So I told them, ‘Whoever has gold jewelry, take it off.’ When they brought it to me, I simply threw it into the fire—and out came this calf!” Moses saw that Aaron had let the people get completely out of control, much to the amusement of their enemies. Ex 32:23 - 25

Aaron's syndrome is when you relinquish your authority as a parent to your child and give them control over areas of their life you should be parenting.

I'm not sure what pressure the children of Israel had put on Aaron that made him balk to such an extent as to guide them into sin that led to the death of over three thousand Israelites! But he said something, “You yourself know how evil these people are..", meaning they are such that I won't bother speaking the truth to when you are not available. Don't forget Aaron was Moses' brother, chief speaker, and God-ordained priest!

How often do we see children die or get into destiny-derailing paths because of "Aaron syndrome"? As wives, mothers, and helpmeets, we relinquish our place of authority over our children in the place of discipline.

"Oh, he/she is so stubborn only their father can talk to them."

"Adam! Adam! You impossible child! Wait until your father gets back."

Common woman, you don't need your man to be around before you can bring discipline to your child. The same child you carried in your womb for months, breastfed, and cleaned their poop? You have authority over your child, and heaven backs that authority. You are neither helpless nor your hands bound; your child can be raised to respect your authority the same way they respect their father's. Stop being permissive and letting your child parent you.

Some mothers have difficulty setting boundaries for or bringing correction to their children. While various factors may account for this, going hands-free on your child's discipline and letting them grow without boundaries is antithetical to their success.

What are the characteristics of Aaron's syndrome?

Characteristics of Aaron's syndrome

• Permissive: without questioning or rebuke, Aaron acceded to the request of the Israelites for a new god. The apostle Paul said, "All things are permissible to me, but not all things are beneficial." paraphrase. Your child can have access to whatever you can provide for them does not mean they should get everything. Some things will need to wait until they develop the maturity to manage them; they should not get everything because their friends in school have it. They will get certain things for free and will earn others.

• Indulging: He made them a calf and set aside a day for them to indulge in their revelry. So you are complaining that your children are falling behind in school because they are distracted by their phones and gadgets? Well, you might as well whisk everything away and put some structure for your child to learn self-discipline and time management. Line up everyone in the general study behind Dad's old desktop for school assignments requiring internet access. Then, you don't have to keep harping about the distractions of TikTok and Whatsapp on your child's device.

• Denied responsibility for his actions: he did not take responsibility for his priesthood when asked to engage in idolatry, nor did he take responsibility for his actions when accosted by Moses. Children don't raise themselves; otherwise, they would drop from the skies, and you wouldn't need to go through the nine months of hassles of pregnancy and labor. Please take a look at what's going on with your child, accept the responsibility of blame where it's due, make amends, and stop role-reversing to explain away why it's challenging to manage your child.

• People pleaser: he would rather please the people than please God. In this age of ChatGPT, everyone is an expert without cognate experience. As a parent, now is not the time to be politically correct or anchor your parenting decisions on the latest parenting fad. It's a time to stand in faith and raise our children in line with God's word; His word never fails through all ages.

• He relinquished his authority: he did not understand nor uphold the authority of his office as a priest. I am all for having discussions and dialogues with your child. That way, you know their thinking processes and provide guidance and mentorship. But, some decisions are solely your prerogative as the parent; such issues require you to exercise your authority; they are not open to debate but rather should be obeyed.

As a woman in the home, are you permissive with your child? Are you quick to indulge and please at the expense of their character development? Are you sharing the responsibility of raising your children with your spouse?

Discipline is not gender-defined; you can provide discipline to your children when the occasion demands it. Here are a few tips to guide you:

It all starts with love: this appears to be ingrained in our DNA; mothers are lovers, and we love to the moon and back :). This is especially true when our children are young and cute, obeying all we tell them. Our love may be mildly ruffled as our children grow older and begin to grow their identities, when they begin to ask us questions, and when they start making decisions for themselves. It's all a growing-up process, answering their questions and allowing them the freedom to choose and love unconditionally.

Discipline is love: in this era of "positive & gentle parenting," everything is "traumatic" for a child. You don't use strong words or speak sternly; you don't spank the child, you don't raise your voice, etc. To all the proponents .....by their fruits, we have come to know them. When children are raised to be liberal without discipline or appropriate consequences for negative behavior, it can be destructive to their development. Children need the discipline to grow into respectful and responsible adults. They need to experience the consequences of their behaviors as a deterrent to future occurrences. God is love; He disciplines His own (Hebrews 12: 6 - 7); from who are you drawing your parenting inspiration? God or man? In love, set boundaries that guide your child away from error.

Discipline is best served hot!: Yes, as with everything that has to do with the consequence, it has to be immediate for your child to make the necessary connection and understand the import fully. Often, fathers are seen as family disciplinarians, and it is not uncommon for some mothers to wait until their husbands return before the child gets disciplined. This is wrong and further reduces your child's respect for you as an authority figure in the home. Like you would spontaneously praise your child for a good deed, you must correct and discipline them immediately if they err.

Make it proportional: when we bring correction to our children, it has to be commensurate with the behavior; we don't kill a fly with a pistol. Discipline should be appropriate to your child's age and be the right fit for the conduct in question.

Stay focused on the behavior: when we discipline, we are correcting the behavior and helping our child learn more proper ways of responding in similar situations. It is wrong to keep happing on a past incident. It is also inappropriate to carry on with an offended attitude with your child long after you have chastised them. Avoid nagging around the issue, speak about it, check that your child understands your communication, and move on.

As Christian mothers, our leadership in the home should be supportive to the extent that it creates an environment where our children can grow and thrive to the best of their God-given potential.